Dear Weight Wednesday, February 17th

I will apologize in advance for this lengthy post.

Dear Weight:

We’ve had our ups and down, literally.  I did not realize how bad things were for the longest time.  Or maybe I did and I just didn’t want to admit it.  You were my protection, my comfort and the bane of my existence.  However, I am ready to break up with you.  We've been together a long time, but I don't want to be "besties" anymore.  For my health and for my family, I need to move forward with removing you from my body.  You are doing bad things to me.  You increase my risk of heart disease, just to name one.  I want to be healthy and live to enjoy many, many years with my wonderful husband and my amazing family. 

Here’s my backstory: I started out as a chubby baby, but turned into a very thin child.  Until third grade when my school was closing and I had to change schools.  Then I gained weight, a lot of weight in a very short period because I was so nervous about going to a new school.  This prompted other kids to make fun of me for my weight.  I had some amazing friends that also moved to the new school with me and made things a little easier for me.

I was overweight all the way into high school.  The low I remember hitting in HS was down to a size 3, but overall, I seemed to stick at 125/size 7.  Here are some things that I remember about losing weight in HS…I wouldn’t eat, but maybe one meal per day and it was whatever I wanted.  I lost weight, but it was short lived and I gained it back when I started eating.  Fast forward a few years, I was a fairly new mom and while I was eating nothing but processed foods, I was cooking at home.  Fast forward a few more years, I was spending about 2 hours a day commuting back and forth.  By the time I got home, I didn’t feel like cooking so we started eating a lot of fast food for dinner and oftentimes for breakfast and lunch most days.  I rarely cooked at home at that point and when I did, it was still processed foods. 

I remember having a conversation with my Uncle and basically telling him that my weight was protecting me.  I was forced into sex by people that I trusted.  In my mind, I believed that if I was overweight I would not be put into that situation again.  This was, however, a struggle within myself because I wanted to have a relationship and to be loved, to have a family, just like everyone else, but didn’t want to let anyone too close to me.  This battle lasted for many years and I finally decided that I would take care of myself if I wanted to be around for my son.  I joined Weight Watchers and met some great friends.  I managed to lose down into the 150’s and was almost at my mini-goal…and then life got in the way.  I lost my job and was not working out consistently the way I had been previously or going to my Weight Watcher meetings.  It definitely changed things.  It reinforced that what I do to lose the weight is what I will have to continue to do when I reach my goal.  There isn’t a magic pill that will make me lose weight.  This is going to take hard work and effort.  I’m not at my goal weight and recently reached a high of over 200 lbs.  I am thankful that I am still learning and haven’t given up on myself or my weight loss journey.  This is a process.  I appreciate those that are supporting me along this journey.  For those that are also on this journey, WE CAN DO THIS!