Thursday Thoughts, April 12th

Do you ever have moments where something gets started in your head and you just can't shake it?  Just me?  Here's what's been on my mind...

As a little girl, I was so thin that you could count my ribs.  I remember my Mom telling me that she had taken me to the doctor to make sure that she wasn't starving me.  Clearly, I had a high metabolism and could eat pretty much anything and a lot of it.  I remember feeling comfortable in my own skin.  However, all that changed somewhere between 2nd grade and 3rd grade.  The school district decided to close the elementary school I was enrolled in and merge those students in with other schools within the district.  I was just a child at that time so I didn't understand much about the reasons behind it.  I only knew was that I might not still be going to school with friends that I had grown so accustomed to seeing each day.  Funny that it seemed to really cause me problems at that point, but did not when I went from Kindergarten to First Grade. 

I guess this is where my fear of change began.  I was so frightened of changing schools that I gained quite a bit of weight in a short period of time.  When I started third grade, this made me even more self conscious because I went from being the kid that others were afraid of breaking if they played with me to being the kid that others made fun of because I was overweight.  I struggled with my weight pretty much from that point forward.  While I managed to control my weight a bit during high school, sadly, it was because I developed an eating disorder of sorts.  Thankfully, that didn't go to extremes.  I have struggled for years with my weight, self esteem issues and the like.  It sometimes amazes me that this one event could bring on so many other things, not all of which were pleasant.

Can I say the precise moment that I became uncomfortable in my own skin?  No, I cannot say for certain, but one of my goals is to get back to that point where I am comfortable in my own skin.  That is a major goal for me.  Am I exactly where I want to be or who I want to be yet?  No, I am not.  I am certain that the Father above is not finished working on me yet.  I have discovered is that there are many changes that come in life...some of those changes you can never truly be prepared for and others are very easy transitions.  While I have struggled with my weight and self esteem, my hope is that making some small positive changes will lead me to other changes.  It's like puzzle pieces coming together, at least for me.   Do you also struggle with change or transition?